


You Have The Right

by TwoBoys2Love



Series: Cuffs [3]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Detectives, Angst, Blow Jobs, Bottom Jensen, Bottom Jensen Ackles, Detective Jensen Ackles, Established Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki, Established Relationship, M/M, References to Depression, References to anxiety, Switch Jared, Switch Jensen, Top Jared, Top Jared Padalecki, detective jared padalecki, references to violence against gay people
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-09
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2019-02-12 10:30:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 20,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12957312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwoBoys2Love/pseuds/TwoBoys2Love
Summary: This is the third part of my "Cuffs" series.  In the first part - the two men became work partners and had to figure out how to work together. The second part was a simple timestamp regarding Jensen's mental state.This part is the progression of their relationship as Jensen tries to work through the things that have happened in his past.WARNING: For the sex scenes, sometimes Jared bottoms, sometimes Jensen does. It's fluid.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic probably won't make sense unless you've read the first part :D

Jensen juggled three coffee cups as he nudged the station door open with his hip. The buzz of the huge, open room surrounded Jensen and he smiled. Ever since he had transferred to the Homicide Unit he found that he missed the bustle of the bull pen.

The first person that drew Jensen's Gaze was his previous field partner, Jared Padalecki. Jared stood out with his long-ish hair and broad shoulders. The moment he looked up and made eye contact, Jared’s expression softened. It wasn’t _only_ the coffee he was pleased to see. Jared’s fingers lifted in a subtle greeting and he smiled.

Jensen walked over to Alona Tal’s desk and set one of the coffees down on her desk. “Hello, Slugger. How’s your partner treating you?”

Tal grinned up at Jensen as she picked up the coffee. “Oh, you know: tall, handsome, completely insufferable.”

Looking a little hurt, Jared leaned forward and took one of the coffees from Jensen. “I’m a great partner.”

Laughing, Jensen felt a familiar fondness stir in his chest. He would have happily continued to work with Jared. But, their relationship had changed things. Jensen knew the rules against partners having intimate relationships existed for a very good reason. He could live with things the way they were. “Tal, if Padalecki gets out of hand, let me know.”

“What are you gonna do?” She asked with a smirk on her face. “Kick his ass?”

Leaning down closer to Alona’s ear, Jensen whispered, “I’ll cut him off.”

The way Jared rolled his eyes made Jensen chuckle. “You think I won’t do it?”

“I think you _couldn’t_ do it,” Jared muttered.

“Boys, now, now.” Shaking her head, Alona opened her laptop.

“What are you two working on?” Jensen asked. He and Jared made a concerted effort not to discuss work on their time off. It didn’t always work but they gave it a good try.

“ _We_ are handling a car theft ring. Make sure you lock that beast of yours when you’re downtown.” Jared grinned at Jensen.

There was a little extra something in Jared’s gaze that made Jensen feel a little weak in the knees. Those eyes of Jared’s still gave him the upper hand. Jared had a way of being able to look at Jensen and get exactly what he wanted.

“Hey,” Alona said as she set her coffee down on her desk. “You boys going to Morgan’s BBQ this weekend?”

“Yes,” Jared said at exactly the same time as Jensen said, “No.”

Alona giggled and turned back to her computer.

Jared frowned and held his hands out in exasperation.

Jensen shrugged and picked up his own coffee. “I’ll see you later. We can talk about it.”

Looking a little skeptical, Jared smiled slightly before he picked up his coffee.

Okay. So, they _had_ talked about going to the BBQ. Jensen may have sounded like he was willing to go, but that was just because he wanted Jared to shut up about it. He smirked as he crossed the floor of the bullpen thinking about how successfully he’d silenced Jared later in bed. Jared didn’t do _any_ talking when his perfect pink lips were wrapped around Jensen’s cock.

The door to the Special Unit meeting room was ajar and Jensen could see Sam’s shoulder length, wavy, blonde hair over her laptop screen. “Morning, Sam.”

“Jensen. Just in time to help me with these records.” Sam pulled the chair out beside her and motioned for Jensen to sit down. “I sent Amy out in the field so you’re stuck with me.”

“I can take it,” Jensen teased. Sam was pretty easy to get along with but she had _definitely_ made him suffer when he’d first transferred to her team. 

Jensen knew he deserved her wrath. He’d gone off the rails when Jared had been undercover. Hell, Jensen could still feel the way his chest had tightened and his blood had run cold when he’d realized that Jared had been taken by the very suspect they were after. Jensen had defied a direct order from Sam and she’s made him pay for it.

For the first month, Sam had hardly spoken to him. By the second month, they were cordial. Six months into their new working partnership and things finally felt like they were back to normal. Jensen knew that he deserved it so he hadn’t minded doing the punishment.

Sam shifted a pile of manila file folders in front of Jensen and patted the top. “We have to go through all of these by tomorrow.”

Jensen sighed and opened the first file. “No problem.”

“Right.” Sam grinned as she picked up her coffee mug. “You going to Morgan’s this weekend? My mouth waters when I think about that man’s burgers.”

Jensen couldn't help laughing. It just sounded rude. Morgan’s burgers _were_ good. Jensen would just rather he was eating one at a smaller gathering. “I don’t know.”

“I thought Jared said you were going.”

“He wants to.”

Jensen could feel Sam’s gaze on him. But she stayed quiet for a while. She moved on to another file but her fingers just settled on top of it. “Spill.”

“What?” It drove Jensen nuts that Sam was so great at reading people. She might not know exactly what was going on but she was far too perceptive for Jensen to gloss over anything.

“You don’t want to go to Morgan’s?”

“Of course I do. Morgan and I have been friends a long time now.”

Sam gave up the pretense of work and turned slightly towards Jensen. “You don't want to go with Jared?”

There was no way for Jensen to get out of the conversation. After all, he had to sit there for, at least, three more hours. “I just, well, I guess I’m more of an introvert.”

Sam snorted and kicked at the bottom of Jensen ‘s chair. “Give me a break.”

Jensen sighed and closed the folder at the top of his pile. “I just don’t want everyone to know our business.”

“Your business?” It was disguised as a question but Jensen knew it was more of a criticism.

“I don’t want everyone to think of us as nothing more than a couple.” There was more to it but Jensen really wasn’t ready to go into it, hell, he hadn’t even figured it out himself.

“You _are_ a couple, right?” Brows furrowed, Sam fixed Jensen with a pointed gaze.

“Yeah. But, we’re more than that. We’re individuals. Not everyone needs to know our business.” There was an ache in Jensen’s temple that was starting to make his eye twitch. When he looked over at Sam, she was just staring at Jensen. “I can’t explain it. It’s just weird sometimes.”

“If you say so,” Sam said dryly. She turned back to her pile of folders and opened the top one.

Jensen knew what Sam was thinking and she was wrong. Jensen wasn’t ashamed of his relationship. He didn’t have any issue with people knowing he was gay. But, he was more than half of a relationship and he wasn’t used to being seen in a different light. It felt weird. It _was_ weird.

Deciding it was wise to stay silent, Jensen buried his nose in a file and figured he would keep his head down.

-=-=-=-

Aces was bustling with cops. The local haunt for everyone from the P.D. It was Friday night, the day shift was over and everyone had decided to go for a beer.

Jensen was sandwiched between Traci and Alona. They were trying to extol the virtues of _Duck Dynasty_ to him and he wasn’t buying it. He sipped his beer while he listened and kept his gaze fixed on Jared. 

As usual, Jared looked fantastic. He had shed his suit jacket and tie, unbuttoned the top few buttons on his dress shirt and untucked it. The overall look made Jensen just want to take Jared back to his place. But, that would happen after a few beers.

“Stop staring at your boy and listen to me,” Traci teased. “Reality TV is a very important topic.”

Rolling his eyes, Jensen sighed. “First of all, Jared’s a _man_ not a boy. And second, reality TV is terrible but I adore you two so I’m humoring you.” Flashing Traci his best grin, Jensen picked up his beer and finished it.

He watched as Jared made his way to their table and smiled when he finally arrived. It seemed like everyone wanted to talk to him.

“Hey, Jared,” Alona said as she leaned across in front of Jensen. “Your partner is _not_ very entertained by our discussion. I think he needs another beer.”

The smile on Jared’s face was a bit dazzling. His dimples were out on full display. “Another Jensen? I’m driving, you may as well.”

“Sure,” Jensen said. “If I get drunk enough maybe I can tune out the reality TV fangirling.”

Alona’s elbow thumped into Jensen’s ribs and he groaned. “Harassment,” he muttered.

Laughing, Jared began to make his way back through the crowd.

“I hate to miss the next hour of updates on Duck whatever-”

“- Dynasty,” Traci offered.

“Dynasty,” Jensen echoed. “But, I’m going to help Jared with the beers.”

Shoving gently at Traci’s shoulder, Jensen finally managed to get her to move so he could get up. He stretched and then wound his way through the tables.

It was easy to pick Jared out in the crowed. He was a lot taller than most of the other people in the bar.

When Jensen caught a glimpse of Jared’s face, he could see that there was something going on.

Picking up his pace, Jensen made a beeline for Jared. He could hear the annoying sound of the bartender’s voice. Olsson was an asshole. Jensen had no idea why the guy still worked behind the bar at Aces. He sure as hell didn’t seem to like cops and that was who most of the patrons were.

“Is that legal?” There was a cruel edge in Olsson’s raised voice and Jensen pushed someone out of the way to move faster. “ _Dating_ another guy at work? That’s just _shit_. Far as I’m concerned, fags shouldn’t even be allowed on the force.”

As Jensen got tangled up with one of the waitresses, he saw Jared take a step back from the bar. His cheeks were flushed, and his hands were clenched at his sides.

Olsson leaned forward over the bar and leered at Jared. “How the hell can you do a good job when you’re pervin’ on your colleagues in the locker room? I bet they don’t care for that.”

Jared tilted his head slightly and squared his shoulders. “Get the beers and shut the hell up.”

“If you ask me,” Olsson said, “That killer you busted should have killed a hell of a lot more fags-”

Jensen darted forward the last few steps and snatched a handful of Olsson’s shirt. He used brute force to yank the man up onto the bar and then when Olsson took a swing at him, Jensen landed a right-hook on the asshole’s jaw.

Olsson rolled to the side and sent beer mugs and bottles crashing to the floor.

“Jensen!” Jared called out.

But, Jensen shook off Jared’s hand and drew back to punch Olsson again.

“That’s enough!” James Stuart was new to their station but he’d transferred in after fifteen years on the force. Even Jensen could hear the authority in the man’s voice.

Olsson scowled at Jensen through the blood pouring down his cheek and looked pointedly down at the grip Jensen still had on his shirt.

“Let him go, Ackles,” Stuart said a little more firmly.

Alona appeared at Jensen’s side and her fingers curled over his forearm. “C’mon, Jensen. He’s not worth it.”

“I’m gonna make this worth it,” Olsson spat. “I’ll press charges. You can’t go around punching people for having opinions.”

“You’re a fucking bigot,” Jensen growled. But, he let go of Olsson’s shirt when Alona squeezed his arm again.

Alona stepped in front of Jensen and poked a finger at Olsson’s chest. “ _You_ had better make sure you don’t press charges against anyone. I witnessed you hitting _Detective_ Ackles first. That, my friend, is assaulting a police officer and I’m pretty sure about ten or twelve of the people standing around here saw what you just started.”

Olsson rubbed the blood on his jaw then wiped it on his shirt. He scowled at Jensen once more before pushing off the bar and stalking away.

When Jensen looked around, He spotted Jared standing at the bar. Both his hands were planted on the bar and his head was hanging heavy between his shoulders.

“Jared?”

“What the hell was that?” Jared asked quietly.

“Seriously,” Jensen shook his head and straightened his shirt. “You _know_ what that was, Jared.”

There wasn’t another person in Jensen’s life who should understand Jensen’s intolerance for homophobic assholes more than Jared.

It was probably some son of a bitch like Olsson who had beaten Jensen’s partner, Gil, to death. Even thinking about it made Jensen’s gut ache. Jared knew all about how twisted up Jensen could get. It wasn’t that long ago that Jared had found out about Jensen’s history.

When Jared turned around, he was shaking his head. “Olsson’s always been a dick. You were the one who told me that.”

“Well, he can’t talk to you like that. He’s been getting away with it for too long.” Maybe Jensen or someone else on the force should have done something about it long ago. “You should stand up for yourself against people like that.”

Jared stepped in closer and lowered his voice. “You’re a cop. You can’t just go around punching people for saying things you don’t like. And Jensen? I can handle myself.”

The whole thing was giving Jensen a headache. Jared was being difficult and Jensen’s day had been too long and too boring for him to have any patience left. “You weren’t handling it at all, and Jared, I’m not going to argue with you about this. He’s an _ass_. I put him in his place. Now? I need another beer.”

“I think you’ve had enough,” Jared said quietly.

“Do _not_ give me your opinion then,” Jensen snapped.

Hurt flickered across Jared’s face, then it was replaced by anger. As his expression darkened, he picked up all but one of the beers that Olsson had poured. “Knock yourself out then.”

As Jared walked back through the crowd, Jensen stood there staring at his back. Things had gone down the wrong path far too quickly. He should probably follow Jared and apologize. But, he didn’t feel like it. In fact, once he thought about it, he began to think that Jared should be the one to apologize. All Jensen had done was step in to defend him. He really shouldn’t have been raked over the coals for it.

“Had enough my ass,” Jensen muttered as he picked up the beer Jared had left on the bar. He downed half of it, then wiped the back of his hand across his mouth.

-=-=-=-

Jensen lost track of how many beers he drank. It wasn't usually his style but he found that being drunk was a good way to mellow out. He also found that the more beer he drank, the less likely he was to stare at Jared across the bar. Jared wasn’t looking back but Jensen already knew that his lover could hold a grudge. When they had first started working together, Jared had been pretty defensive. He could be pretty bitchy too - Jensen had experienced that first hand.

“What are _you_ thinkin’ about?”

When Jensen turned towards the voice he found Alona grinning up at him. “You’ve been standing here staring for ages.”

Smiling, Jensen took a sip of beer. “Tal, I’ve just been pondering the state of the world.”

“Big thoughts,” she answered.

Jensen laughed. Everything felt as though it was moving a little slower than normal so Jensen set his beer down on the closest table. “I think deep thoughts all the time, Tal. _All_ the time.”

“I knew there was more to you than just a pretty face,” Alona teased.

Jensen rolled his eyes and glanced over at where Jared was talking to James Stuart. They were deep in conversation and Jensen felt a little nip of jealousy.

Alona bumped her hip into Jensen’s. “He’s worried about you, y’know.”

“He doesn’t need to be,” Jensen said quietly. The last thing he needed was Jared running his mouth about their personal life and why he might need hand holding.

“Before you get all bitchy,” Alona said. “He didn’t say anything to me. I can just tell. He’s my partner. You know what that’s like.”

It was true. Jensen knew that Jared and Alona weren’t _just_ partners; they were friends. Most cops spent more time with their partner than their spouse. Jared and Jensen were lucky they were still able to work in the same precinct. “I’m fine. I don’t know why me having a few beers is making everyone get their panties in a knot.”

“ _That’s_ not sexist at all,” Alona said as she jabbed her elbow into the meat of Jensen’s arm.

“Ouch! Fuck you have pointy elbows. And, for all you know, maybe Jared wears panties too.” Jensen grinned when Alona choked on a mouthful of beer.

She wiped her face on her sleeve and then looked across the room at Jared. She tilted her head to one side, then the other as she stared.

“Gross,” Jensen said as he chuckled. “He’s your _partner_.”

“Yours too,” Alona said sweetly.

Suddenly feeling a little wistful, Jensen sighed. Yeah, Jared was _all_ his. It just seemed like they were on different planets sometimes. “I’m gonna go home.”

“Want me to get Jared? He’ll drive you.” Alona set her beer down but Jensen shook his head.

“I’m gonna walk.” A walk was probably a good idea. A little fresh air might help lessen the hangover Jensen was sure was on its way.

“You sure? Come on, let him take you home. How can you turn _that_ down.”

The thing was, Jensen thought it was probably better if he stayed away from Jared. Too much beer might just make him say something he’d regret later.

“What?” Alona laughed and swiped at Jensen’s arm again.

“Bring it in,” Jensen teased as he opened his arms wide. He motioned for Alona to come forward and hug him.

Still laughing, Alona wrapped her arms around Jensen’s waist.

“Be careful.”

“Of course.” Jensen planted a kiss on the top of Alona’s head and wrestled his way out of the hug.

As he left the bar, he made a point of not looking back at Jared. A little childish maybe, but Jensen could always blame it on the beer.

-=-=-=-

Jared gave Jensen the cold shoulder for most of the day, not answering his texts and letting a call go to voicemail. Even though he probably deserved it, it got under Jensen's skin a bit. Olsson had deserved more than Jensen gave him, _much_ more. The guy had been a fucking problem at Aces for years. Maybe Jared couldn’t see it, but he deserved it.

By the time five o'clock rolled around, Jensen just wanted things to be back to normal. He headed out through the Bullpen and sat on the corner of Jared's desk.

"What?" Jared handed Alona a file and went back to typing.

Jensen leaned in close to Jared's ear. "I miss you already. Come over tonight and I'll make you lasagna."

"Not tonight. I've got a lot of work before I can even get out of here." Jared rubbed his eyes and tried to stifle a yawn.

"Come on." Pulling out all the stops, Jensen reached down and brushed Jared's hair back off his face. "We need to talk, and I need to kiss you. I sleep better when you're there."

No one else would ever notice, but Jared leaned into Jensen's hand slightly. Jensen smiled because he already knew that he'd won. "Please, Jay?"

"Fine," Jared said quietly. "But, I'm not done for a while."

"That's okay. It'll take me a while to make dinner. Come over whenever you're done." Trailing his thumb down the back of Jared's neck, Jensen smiled. "See you tonight."

-=-=-=-

Dinner had worked wonders on Jared. By the time he'd eaten his second piece of lasagna, he had been smiling at Jensen's jokes again. Things _almost_ felt normal, but Jensen knew that he was still expecting to have a serious conversation. There was that little bit of tension hanging there between them.

Jensen suggested they move to the couch and finish their wine. He noticed that Jared left his wine glass on the table, but Jensen kept his. He was going to need more wine to have the conversation he knew was looming on the horizon.

Jared sat on the edge of the couch and looked up at Jensen. "You said you wanted to talk."

"And, I do," Jensen said. He sat down next to Jared and leaned back into the softness of the couch. "I wanted to talk about the other night with Olsson."

"Okay," Jared said. He looked uncomfortable perched there on the edge of the couch but that was just like him. He'd keep distance between them if they were going to talk.

"I think you misunderstood what happened at the bar."

"I did?" Jared looked back at Jensen over his shoulder with skepticism written all over his face.

"Maybe that's the wrong way to put it," Jensen said quickly.

"Okay, put it a better way."

It took two deep breaths and another sip of wine before Jensen came up with, what he hoped was, something more neutral. "I feel like all you saw was me getting pissed off at Olsson. But, it was so much more than that. It was about the fact that we shouldn't be living in a place where someone like that asshole can get away with talking to you the way he did."

"Do you not think I'm capable of defending myself?" Jared shifted slightly so he could see Jensen more clearly.

"Of course, I do, Jared. You're a cop. I have no doubt you can take care of yourself. But, you weren't." Jensen sat up, so he was closer to Jared. "You were letting him talk shit to you. I wasn't going to watch that."

"I was dealing with it. Just because my way is different than yours doesn't mean it's wrong."

"Dealing with it means that you _stop_ it from happening." Jensen could feel his temper flaring again. He and Jared saw things differently so often.

"Not by punching them." Jared sighed and reached out to take Jensen's hand. "You're a detective, you can't go around punching people for any reason. You'll get your ass handed to you."

"To take care of you, I would risk it," Jensen said gruffly.

"To take care of people, you don't have to beat the shit out of them," Jared said firmly.

"Sometimes, that's what it takes."

Quiet for a while, Jared stared into Jensen's eyes. "Is this about Gil?"

"Jared." Jensen pulled his hand free and took a drink of wine.

Jared rubbed his hand over his mouth for a few moments then smiled sadly at Jensen. "You are still _so_ angry about Gil."

That was kind of the last straw in terms of Jensen being able to control his temper. "Of course, I'm _fucking_ angry. My partner was beaten to death in a back alley."

Jared flinched back slightly and looked away from Jensen.

That was exactly why Jensen hated it when Jared brought up Gil. The anger, the loss, the confusion, it all welled up inside him and burst out as anger. And it usually came out at the wrong times and was directed towards the wrong people. "I'm sorry."

Jared shrugged. He looked tired.

"Jay?" Jensen waited until Jared looked at him. "You didn't deserve that and I'm sorry."

"It's alright," Jared said quietly. As huge as he was, sometimes he looked so worn and scared and Jensen hated it.

Leaning forwards, Jensen set his wineglass down on the coffee table. He pressed his hand to the small of Jared's back and rubbed it. "I'm sorry. I know that – I mean, when I think about it, I get _so_ angry. And the idea that someone might hurt you…"

Talking about it made Jensen's chest ache. He pushed his lips to Jared's shoulder and breathed in the scent he was so familiar with. The heat of Jared skin bled through the cotton of his shirt. He _wanted_ Jared in his life; if he knew anything, he knew that. Sure, he had issues with his temper, but everyone had issues. He closed his eyes and turned his head slightly so he could kiss the skin just behind Jared’s ear. “Forgive me?”

Jared shivered and his fingers curled over Jensen’s thigh and dug in hard. “You said… you were gonna get some help. See someone.”

“I will,” Jensen whispered against the shell of Jared’s ear. “I promise.” His fingers sneaked up the hem of Jared’s t-shirt and rubbed over his smooth flesh. His lips found the scar on Jared’s neck and he traced the length of it.

The next breath Jared took in was a little shaky and Jensen reached up with his free hand pressed against Jared’s jaw until they were looking at each other.

“Do you forgive me?” Jensen knew he probably didn’t deserve Jared’s forgiveness, he should really suffer for a few more days before Jared forgave him. But, he desperately wanted things to be normal again. The thing with Olsson should just be a speedbump, something they barely noticed.

Jared groaned and _finally_ sat back against the couch. “This isn’t fair.”

Without missing a beat, Jensen twisted around, swung his leg over Jared’s thighs and slid onto his lap. His knees pressed against Jared’s hips, he slid both hands into all that long hair and moved it back from Jared’s face.

“You’ve got to work on this, Jensen,” Jared said but his cheeks were already getting a little pink.

Shifting closer, Jensen wrapped his arms around Jared’s neck and leaned in to brush their lips together. “I will.”

Finally, Jared’s hands landed on Jensen’s hips. His thumbs dug in hard. “I hate you.”

“You love me,” Jensen said into Jared’s mouth. Their lips came together again, softly, Jensen savored the warmth of Jared’s kiss and the tingle it sent down his spine.

“I love you.” the words were hot puffs of air on Jensen’s lips and he felt a wave of pleasure slide down his body. Trembling slightly, Jensen traced Jared’s bottom lip with the tip of his tongue.

Jared moaned quietly. He was tense under Jensen’s hands, fighting the urge to give in. Jared always found it hard to give up on _stubborn_.

Jensen pressed his hips forward and drew in a slow, deep breath. He slid a hand down the front of Jared’s shirt. When he reached the leather of Jared’s belt, he unbuckled it, pushed the button free and drew the zipper down slowly. “You’re tense.”

“Yeah. Well…” Jared smiled wryly but shifted his hips restlessly.

“I know. When you have a partner like me, you worry a lot.” Smiling, Jensen slipped his fingers under the waistband of Jared’s boxers and let the backs of his fingers brush against the head of Jared’s cock.

“If we lived together, it’d be better,” Jared said breathlessly. He groaned and let his head fall back against the couch. “Would know where you were at night.”

A cold wave made Jensen shiver. Every now and again, Jared tested the idea of them moving in together. Jensen wasn’t at a point where he could even think about that.

Curling his fingers around the hard shaft in Jared’s boxers, Jensen hummed softly and nipped Jared’s bottom lip. “You know exactly where I am tonight.”

“Yeah?”

“About to be right where I want to be…” Jensen squeezed Jared’s hard flesh and crushed their mouths together. He wanted Jared spread out under him, sweating, flushed, weak and saying how much he wanted Jensen.

-=-=-=-

There were times when Jared knew that he was doing the right thing, and there were times when he knew he would regret his choices.

Sitting in the southside coffee shop waiting for Jeff, Jared wasn’t sure if he’d made the right decision at all. He was probably going to end up with everyone pissed off at him.

The problem was that he loved Jensen, and he could see that Jensen was in trouble. He just didn’t know how to help him. Maybe, he wasn’t even the right person to be trying.

“Hey,” Jeff said from beside the table.

There was already a coffee in Jeff’s hand and Jared realized that he must have been completely lost in his thoughts. “Hi, have a seat.”

Jeff pulled the chair opposite Jared out and sat down. He shrugged out of his leather and set his helmet on the empty chair between them.

“You’ve got your bike, I take it.” Jared smiled and tugged his t-shirt into a more comfortable position.

“Whenever I can.” Jeff took a drink of coffee while keeping his eyes on Jared.

Nodding, Jared turned his coffee cup around with his fingers, watching the liquid inside tip back and forth.

“What’s goin’ on, Jared? You don’t want another partner, do ya? ‘Cause I’m fresh out.” Jeff smirked as he set his coffee down.

“No! God, no. I love working with Tal. She’s great,” Jared answered quickly.

“You’re not gonna hit on me, are you? Because Jensen’s my friend and I might have to resort to being an asshole.”

“What? No. Sir.” Jared could feel heat creeping up his neck. He was relieved when he looked up and saw the amusement on the Captain’s face.

“Fuck, Jared. Can you call me Jeff when we’re away from work so that I don’t have to acknowledge that I’m old enough to be your father?”

Chuckling nervously, Jared nodded and took a deep breath.

“So. What’s up?”

“It’s Jensen,” Jared said before he could change his mind.

The expression on Jeff’s face didn’t change but he leaned forward slightly. “He okay?”

Still smiling slightly Jared shrugged. “Most of the time? I don’t know.”

“Must be a reason why you set up this little cloak and dagger coffee date,” Jeff said. He leaned back and scratched at the beard he was cultivating. “Might as well spit it out, brother.”

I did _feel_ a little cloak and dagger, even to Jared. He’d chosen a cafe on the city’s southside because he knew Jensen wouldn’t be near it. Having coffee with Jeff felt a little like cheating.

Jared cleared his throat and tried to come up with the best way to start. “You know what happened to Jensen’s first partner?”

Tilting his head to the side slightly, Jeff nodded once. “Gil? I know he lost him. Street violence. He was still pretty raw when he got here. Don’t know all the details though.”

That right there was the thing Jared had been worried about. _He_ had to decide if it was more important to keep Jensen’s confidence, or get some advice.

“Jared?”

“I’m gonna tell you what happened because I need your help.”

“Okay.” Jeff sat forward again and clasped his hand on the table in front of him.

“His partner was a victim of a hate crime. He was killed because he was an outspoken gay rights activist.” Jared paused to take a deep breath. It felt, in a way, like it wasn’t his story to tell, but he was _with_ Jensen. “He was beaten unrecognizable.”

Shaking his head, Jeff winced and looked down. “Fuck.”

“Yeah.” Jared pushed his coffee aside and leaned his elbows on the table. “We were at Aces the other night. Olsson was being his usual _idiot_ self when I went to get a beer. He was mouthing off about me being gay. Jensen nearly dragged him over the bar, punched him. If James hadn’t stepped in I’m not sure what would have happened.”

The furrows in Jeff’s brow deepened as he looked up. “He assaulted the guy? He _is_ an asshole but that doesn’t sound like Jensen.”

“Olsson swung first,” Jared said quickly. “But, Jensen’s not… he’s not getting better. I thought that he and I…” Jared wasn’t even sure what he had thought now that he was trying to explain it to Jeff.

“Thought you could fix him?” Smiling sadly, Jeff kicked at Jared’s foot under the table.

“That makes me sound like a lovesick teenager. I want him to be okay, Jeff. And, he's really not okay.”

“It’s not surprising that affected him. You know what the fallout from crimes like that is like. Guess it explains some of the shit Jensen pulled last year on that murder case.”

Nodding, Jared closed his eyes and rubbed at them for a few moments. “Jeff, he needs to see someone. That whole mess with him on Sam’s team - you know he came after me because he was terrified. But he would never admit that.”

“There were a few people doin’ things they shouldn’t have been that night, Jared.”

The admonition wasn’t lost on Jared. He knew he’d made a stupid mistake that had nearly cost him his own life. But, if Jeff didn’t think there was a problem, then maybe Jared had made a mistake by asking him to meet. “Jeff, I’m sorry. This was a mistake. I’m not trying to get him in trouble.” Jared stood and found himself stopped by Jeff’s hand on his wrist.

“Sit your ass back down,” Jeff growled. “I’m just tryin’ to figure out what’s goin’ on.”

Reluctantly, Jared sat back down.

“Now. Stop trying to sugarcoat everything and just talk to me. I’m not your captain tonight.”

They talked for almost two hours. At least, Jared talked. Jeff asked a lot of questions, offered very little advice. Byt the time the cafe was closing, Jared felt as though Jeff had a better understanding of what was going on.

The outcome of the meeting wasn’t much. Jeff said he would talk to Jensen and try to get him to go back to see someone through Employee Assistance. He assured Jared it would be as Jensen’s friend and not as he Captain.

Even though Jared felt like he wasn’t alone in the battle on the way home, he couldn’t help feeling a little guilty. He kept trying to remind himself that he was trying to help and that Jeff had become a good friend to Jensen over the years they’d worked together.

When Jensen texted, asking if he could come over, Jared lied and said he was working. He felt so guilty about lying that he headed over to the station rather than going home.

He hated keeping anything from Jensen.

-=-=-=-

The week went by quickly. Jensen was up to his eyeballs in paperwork with Sam, and Jared was busy in the field with a new case. With the BBQ looming on the weekend, Jensen found himself a little anxious by Thursday.

He stopped by Jared’s on his way home from the gym. He’d worked off some of his tension on the stairmaster, but he could still feel the tension in his neck and shoulders.

Jared was watching a movie when Jensen’ arrived, but he was happy to pause it. He said it was pretty bad anyway.

“Can you pick up a couple bottles of wine tomorrow?” Jared asked as he poured Jensen a glass of water.

“Planning on a drinking binge?” Jensen teased as he stretched his arms high above his head. He could still feel the burn from the weights he had lifted.

When Jared held out the glass of water, he looked a little surprised. “Jeff’s BBQ?”

“Since when do you call him, Jeff?” It always amused Jensen that Jared seemed to struggle with using the Captain’s first name.

A frown marred Jared’s features and he turned back to the fridge to pour himself a glass of water. “I’m not at work. Do I have to call him Captain at the BBQ too?”

“Just askin’,” Jensen said.

“So, can you?”

“What?”

“Pick up something for us to drink at the BBQ?” When Jared finally turned around he was still frowning.

“I guess. Yeah.” Jensen drank some of the water then set it down on the counter. “You still want to go?”

“Yeah, Jensen I do. Our friends are going to be there. Should I pick you up?”

“I’ll come over here when I’m ready. Then we can take your car.” If Jensen _had_ to go to the BBQ, he was definitely going to drink.

“You know.” Jared set his glass down and leaned back against the counter beside Jensen. “If we lived together, organizing stuff like this would be a lot easier.”

“Why don’t we go and watch the rest of your movie? Sounds like it doesn’t really matter that I didn't’ see the beginning of it.” The last thing Jensen needed was a big conversation about their relationship status. He was still struggling a bit with absorbing the status quo.

Oh. He loved Jared; there was no question of that. Better than that, he really _liked_ him. For the most part, Jensen felt better when he was around Jared. He just knew that the closer he got to Jared, the more it would hurt if something went wrong. Jared might be right with all his optimism about the future but Jensen wasn’t convinced. Shitty things happened.

“Why can’t we talk about it?” Jared asked quietly. “You never even tell me what you think about it. Do you hate my decorating? Would you rather live at your place?”

“Come on, why do we have to talk about it at all? Things are fine the way they are.” Jensen pushed off the counter and headed into the living room. He flopped down on the couch and examined the remotes to try and figure out which one would start the movie.

“Seriously? After everything we’ve been through to get where we are, you want to take a step backward?” Jared looked pissed off as he strode into the living room.

“Whoa! Don’t get all worked up. Nothing is going backward. I just happen to like things the way they are. What’s wrong with that?”

“We’re supposed to be moving forwards. We’ve been together for a year, Jensen. You only have a toothbrush here.” Jared folded his arms and broadened his stance. He had the stubborn look about him - the kind that meant he fully intended to get his way.

“Jared, what the hell? Can’t we just have a quiet night? Why does everything have to be a big discussion?” Jensen tossed the remote back down on the couch and sighed.

“What’s gotten into you lately?” Jared asked. “Things were fine for a while. I know you’re stressed at work, but that’s nothing new. I can’t even get you to _talk_ to me about moving in-”

“-I can’t do this right now, Jared!” It came out a little too loud and a little too sharp. Everything in Jensen’s head was yelling at him to _get the hell out of there… go somewhere, anywhere…_

“Can’t talk to me? That’s ridiculous. We’re adults, Jensen. Adults work through things by talking, having civil discussions. We-”

“- I can’t move in with you!”

Jared froze on the spot, eyes narrowing slightly as he processed what Jensen had said. “Fine.”

“Fine?” What the hell had Jensen expected? Jared wasn’t going to keep arguing with him over everything. God knows he had put up with enough since they’d gotten together. He’d taken on more baggage than he could have guessed he was in for.

Jared ran his hands through his hair then walked over and sat down beside Jensen. “I’m exhausted by this, Jensen. I don’t want to have to fight with you every time our relationship takes a tiny step forwards.”

“Moving in together isn’t a _tiny_ step,” Jensen answered quickly. “It’s a big change.” It would mean coming home to Jared every night, worrying when he was late, a bed that would feel too empty when Jared wasn’t there by his side. Jensen shook his head.

“What?”

“I can’t, Jared. I can’t move in with you.” For some stupid reason, it hurt like hell to say the words. Or maybe, it was the resignation on Jared’s face that stung.

Jared looked down at the couch and smoothed his hand over the space between them. “Okay.”

It wasn’t a good answer because Jensen wasn’t an idiot and he knew that things were far from okay. He was still trying to think of something to say in response when Jared snatched the remote up and started the movie again.

-=-=-=-

Very reluctantly, Jensen had dragged his ass out of bed early, gotten ready and headed over to Jared’s. He was sitting on the end of the bed watching Jared get dressed. It was a favorite pastime of Jensen’s.

“Why don't you want to go anyway?” Jared stepped into his jeans and pulled them up.

“Look, Jared. I don’t mind going to the BBQ. I just don’t want to be all couple-y.”

“Jeff knows we’re a couple already,” Jared exclaimed. He was sorting through the shirts in his closet, trying to decide which one to wear.

“Sure,” Jensen began. “Jeff does, but not everyone does.” The whole idea was getting to Jensen. He was getting really close to saying that he’d changed his mind and he was going to head home.

“Alona knows. That’s gone well. And Sam, Traci. Besides, Jeff didn’t say that we couldn’t tell people.” Jared pulled his t-shirt off and tossed it into the laundry hamper.

Frustration was creeping across Jensen’s shoulders and he could feel the tension building in his muscles. “This isn’t about what Jeff wants. It’s about what _I_ want.”

Jared decided on a red cotton sweater and pulled it on. He smiled. “What exactly _do_ you want from me. A drinking buddy? Friend with benefits?”

Jensen knew Jared well enough to see through his attempt at appearing unaffected by the question. It was a real question even if it was hidden behind a smile.

“Jared.” Jensen slid off the end of the bed and walked over to press up against Jared’s back. He rested his cheek against Jared’s shoulder blade and wrapped him up in his arms. “You _know_ that I love you. You’re not my pal or my booty call.”

Laughing, Jared struggled in Jensen’s embrace until he could turn to face him. “I can't believe you just used the expression, _booty call_.

“What? I’m cool.”

“You are _really_ not.” Jared said but he kissed Jensen hard.

 

-=-=-=-

It started again in the car.

“Are you gonna drink this afternoon?” Jared asked.

“Don’t start.” Because why else would you ask that question unless you were trying to suggest that _not_ drinking was a better alternative?

“Just asking.”

“It’s a BBQ. Everyone drinks.”

“You gonna punch anyone?” Jared asked.

Okay. Fair question. “Probably not, unless someone invited Olsson.”

Jared pulled away from the curb and headed towards Jeff’s. “I’m worried about you.”

“I’m fine,” Jensen said quickly. He didn’t really want to get into it again. Being questioned about his thoughts and feelings all the time was starting to get to him. 

“You said, when we got together, that you’d see someone.” Jared’s fingers tightened on the steering wheel. 

“I did say that,” Jensen answered. It was true; he just hadn’t gotten around to it. He’d called EA and gotten the name of a psychologist. The card was still tucked in his wallet. It was one of those things he’d been intending to do. He’d looked at the card a couple of times. He’d almost called once. 

“I don’t want you to get hurt, Jensen. I know you’ve been through a lot. But, the way you reacted, the fact that you punched Olsson-”

“- he was an asshole. How can you not see that? And do we really need to talk about this again” For some reason, Jared didn’t seem to agree with Jensen on the correct procedure for handling bigots.

“You’re a cop. This is just a different kind of reckless, Jensen. And I don’t want to lose you,” Jared said.

The muscles in Jensen’s neck tightened and he rolled his shoulders. “You aren’t going to lose me and I don’t want to lose you, either. But, Jared, come on. You can’t let someone like Olsson walk all over you. What do you think is gonna happen? I’m not scared of someone like him.”

Jared shook his head but Jensen wasn’t really sure what he was saying no to.

“Jay? Let’s just have a good time this afternoon, okay?” Reaching out, Jensen slid his hand over Jared’s thigh and squeezed. “Please?”

Jared sighed, twisted his hands on the steering wheel but then he nodded and smiled slightly.

It was a start.

-=-=-=-

Nearly all the Detectives were at Jeff’s when Jared and Jensen arrived. The BBQ was smoking away and Jeff was working it with his _Kiss the cook_ apron on. Jensen grinned, feeling a little relieved to be around people. At least it would postpone any really heavy conversations between him and Jared.

Jared took the wine and headed over to say hello to Jeff. Jensen decided to head over to the table with the usual suspects.

“Jensen! Thank God,” Alona said as he approached their table. “Mr. J.P. Stuart here is tryin’ to tell me that the new Dodge Charger is better than classic muscle cars.”

“Say it isn’t so,” Jensen said as he clutched at his chest dramatically.

“God, you people. This muscle car thing is like a disease,” James said as he began to laugh.

Jensen settled at the table, happy for the distraction. “Give it to me straight, James.”

-=-=-=-

As usual it didn’t take long for the BBQ to be in full swing. Jensen had ended up sitting in a deck chair listening to Sam, Traci and Alona discuss the fact that Jeff wasn’t married. Jensen was only half listening and probably deserved it when Track pokes him in the ribs. 

“What?!”

“Do you think he's gay?” Traci asked 

Jensen did a double take when he realizes Traci was serious. “Jeff?! Oh, I am _so_ not participating in this discussion.” Jensen had probably drunk about five beers but that _really_ wasn’t enough to talk about his boss’ sex life.

Traci started to laugh and it was contagious. Soon the entire crowd was laughing.

Jensen took advantage of their laughter to flee. He noticed that Jeff was standing alone by the BBQ, cleaning the grill. happy to retreat from the gossip section, Jensen headed over. “You done with cooking duty?”

Jeff nodded. “For now. I’ll fire the grill up again later if people are hungry.”

Jensen leaned down and fished another beer out of the cooler. He staggered slightly when he stood up. 

“Y’okay there, Jensen?”

“Stood up too fast.” Jensen took the top off the bottle and flipped it back into the cooler. When he looked up, Jeff was staring at him.

“Gimme that.” Jeff took the beer bottle and set it down next to the bbq. “Come inside with me.”

Frowning, Jensen stood still for a few moments, watching as Jeff jogged up the back stairs into the house. Reluctantly, he followed. It hadn’t, after all, sounded like a question.

He caught up with Jeff in the kitchen where he was setting mugs down on the kitchen counter. “Won’t sober you up but, at least, it’s non-alcoholic liquid.”

“It’s a party. I’m supposed to be drunk.” But Jensen sat down on one of the bar stools in front of the counter. What the hell. Jeff always made good coffee.

Jeff slid a mug towards Jensen. “Drink that.”

Nodding, Jensen curled his hand around it. The warmth against his palm reminded him of when he was a kid and his Mom would make him hot chocolate.

They were both quiet for a while and Jensen listened to the voices that were drifting in from outside.

“Are you okay, Jensen?” There were furrows on Jeff’s brow and he looked worried.

“I’m good.” Jensen wanted another beer but that was the extent of his concerns in that moment.

“Jensen, I mean - how _are_ you - for real. You seem to be drinking a lot.”

“Wow.” Jensen took an exaggerated slurp of his coffee then set it back down. “I thought I’d come in here to _not_ drink.”

The last thing that Jensen needed was another lecture about drinking or his temper or anything else for that matter.

“Jensen, I’m worried about you. _Jared_ is worried about you. What’s going on in that head of yours?” It wasn’t very often that Jeff looked worried. It was pretty hard to unsettle him.

 _Wait_. 

“ _Jared_ is worried about me.” Jeff had better not be saying what it sounded like he was saying.

“Of course he is. He loves you, you idiot. You think that anything that’s goin’ on in your head doesn’t affect him?”

Jeff obviously mistook Jensen’s incredulity for a genuine question. “Jeff, I don’t wanna have a big, deep conversation. And I really don't want to talk about… well, I don’t wanna talk about anything.”

The expression on Jeff’s face began to look a little more like a scowl. “How about telling me what went on with you and Olsson the other night.”  
“Did that fu- did he file a complaint about me?” Jensen rolled his shoulders and tried to keep the tension from creeping into them again.

“No. Nothing like that.” Jeff took a deep breath and let it out slowly “I’m trying to understand what’s goin’ on with you that makes you so angry all the time. You weren’t like this even a year ago. And I know what you’ve been through. Jared filled in some details for me but I-”

“He what?” Jensen shoved his mug back and the brown liquid spilled on the counter. He stood and rested his hands on the counter for a few moments because he could feel the anger building in him. “I don’t know what he told you, but it wasn’t _his_ fucking story to tell.”

“Why are you always in a god-damned foxhole, Jensen? You think we’re all out to get you. It’s nothing _like_ that. Jared loves you, I love you. People care about you and they’re going to talk to you about it when you’re acting like there’s something eating away at you.” Jeff stood and leaned across the counter as he spoke.

“I’m fucking fine!” Jensen yelled. He kind of surprised himself by how loud it was but he had run through most of his patience. He cleared his throat as he took a few steps back. “I’m sorry.”

Silent, Jeff just watched Jensen.

“I’m just. I’m drunk. I’m gonna. I’m gonna go…” Jensen turned and headed outside again. He needed some air.

He managed to get down the steps without tripping and headed over to pick up another beer. Maybe, it wasn’t the best choice he’d ever had but he sure as hell didn’t want to talk to anyone.

“Jensen? You alright?” said a voice from behind him.

“I am _so_ tired of people asking me that,” Jensen said as he turned around slowly and realized it was Jared standing behind him. Without realizing what he was doing, he grabbed Jared’s upper arm and dragged him over behind a huge oak tree by the back gate. He thought he heard Jeff call his name but he was done listening to people.

“What the _hell_ , Jensen?” Jared looked more than a little shocked.

“What gave you the right to talk to Jeff about me?”

Jared’s face went a little pale and he shook his head slowly. “I didn’t mean… I mean, Jeff’s your friend. I needed-”

“What?” Jensen barked. “What did _you_ need that warranted telling our Captain what I had told you in confidence?” Breathing harshly, Jensen realized he was still holding Jared’s arm and he shoved him away. “I didn’t tell you what I did so you could tell the whole world.”

“I told him because you trust him, Jensen. He’s your friend.” Jared sighed. Hurt and confusion moved over Jared’s face and he took a step backward. “I was trying to get you help, Jensen. I thought that Jeff could talk to you.” Jared shrugged.

“Well _thank_ you very much, Jared. Jeff talked to me. So, do you feel better now?” Jensen’s heart was pounding so hard that his chest ached.

Shaking his head, Jared took another step back. “Do you _really_ have to talk to me like that? You seriously can’t tell how messed up this is? You need to get your _shit_ together, Jensen. I can’t keep doing this.” There were tears welling in Jared’s eyes as he stared at Jensen.

Closing his eyes for a few moments, Jensen took a deep breath. His head was swimming a little and beginning to ache. When he opened his eyes he couldn’t even look at Jared. He hated to see that he was so upset, but at the same time, it made him angry. “Maybe we _shouldn’t_ keep doing this then, Jared.”

Jared flinched back slightly as though he’d been slapped, then he squared his shoulders and his expression hardened. “If that’s what you want. I don’t have the energy to fight with you anymore.”

“Fine.” Jensen already regretted everything he’d said but his stupid pride made him stand there, silently, when he should have been apologizing.

Jared wiped roughly at the tear that had slid down his cheek, nodded once and walked off.

Jensen watched as Jared was stopped by Alona. They spoke together for a while, Alona glanced over at Jensen then looked back at Jared. After they exchanged a few more words, Alona hugged him and Jensen looked away.

It wasn’t all his fault. People kept trying to tell him what he needed, what he should be doing and it was making him a little crazy. When he looked up again Jared was waving good-bye to people as he headed into the house.

He didn’t look back at Jensen once.

Jensen realized he was still holding his beer and decided that he should finish it so he could get another one. He just wanted to forget the entire evening and pretty much every conversation he’d had since he arrived.


	2. Chapter 2

When Jensen woke up, the first thing that he thought was that someone had opened all the curtains and he was lying in the sun. It was a while before he managed to pry his eyelids open. He regretted it almost immediately because his head started throbbing when he looked at the window.

“Mornin’, sunshine.”

“Jeff?” Jensen squinted up through the light and managed to focus his gaze on his friend and Captain.

“I’ve got coffee on and I’m makin’ breakfast. You want scrambled egg and bacon?”

Jensen closed his eyes again and groaned. “Why is it so bright in here?

“It’s the middle of the afternoon, Jensen. The sun has been bright for a lot of hours already.” Jeff chuckled as he headed towards the kitchen.

Jensen struggled to get his arms out from under the blanket then stretched them up towards the ceiling. “Your couch is comfortable, Jeff.”

Jeff headed out of the kitchen with a mug. “It is. I’ve spent a fair few nights there myself. Here, fresh coffee.” The mug thunked down on the table in front of the couch.

“God, thanks. Do you happen to have some painkillers to go with it?” The pounding in Jensen’s head had already reached rather epic intensity in Jensen’s head.

Grinning, Jeff simply pointed at the painkillers that were already sitting on the table next to the mug.

“You’re well prepared,” Jensen muttered.

“It’s the boy scout in me,” Jeff said. “Drink some of that then come and eat breakfast.” Jeff headed back into the kitchen.

It took five or ten minutes for Jensen to get vertical enough to be able to drink his coffee. It was black and strong, and by the time Jensen had finished half of it, he was awake enough to be thankful that he had taken double the suggested dose.

When he finally managed to join Jeff at the table, he felt marginally more alive than roadkill.

Jensen knew that a big breakfast would be good for him so he got stuck in. He shoveled some eggs into his mouth and chewed as quietly as he could. Yeah, his head ached _that_ badly.

“Quite the party last night,” Jeff said before taking another bite of his toast.

“Was okay. Sorry about havin’ to stay here. Forgot I came with Jared.” It wasn’t entirely true. Jensen hadn’t _forgotten_ that, he had just had _way_ too much to drink. It had taken all the energy he had to get his sorry ass onto Jeff’s couch, his place was out of the question.

“You’re always welcome here. Besides, I couldn't have you wanderin’ off drunk as you were.”

Jensen set his fork down and then nodded. “Yeah. I. I probably should have quit a lot earlier in the evening.”

Jeff smiled but he didn’t say anything. He put another piece of bacon in his mouth and chewed slowly. After he swallowed, he looked over at Jensen. “Bacon’s good.”

“It is.” Jensen picked up the last piece from his own plate. He was trying to come up with something to say, maybe giving Jeff a reason why he’d been feeling the way he had. It all felt too big to even know where to start though.

“You’re a good man, Jensen,” Jeff said quietly. “But, you’ve gotta get it together.”

Nodding, Jensen set his fork down. “I know.”

He _knew_ he was spinning his wheels. He _knew_ there were things going on in his head that he needed to deal with.

“Jared’s a good man, too,” Jeff said. “But, he won’t wait around forever. You’d be stupid to let that one go.”

When Jensen looked up, he could see nothing but affection on Jeff’s face.

“I’m gonna take care of it,” Jensen answered quietly. He just needed to figure out where to start.

Jeff pulled a business card out of his shirt pocket and set it on the table. He kept one finger on it and slid it towards Jensen. “Therapist I went to see about a year ago. He’s good. I think seeing him could help you.”

Jensen rubbed his hand down his face and nodded. He reached out for the card and picked it up. He tapped it on the table a few times. “Thanks. I had one from E.A. but I just didn’t do anything with it. I didn’t even know the person.”

“Well, all I can do is tell ya that he helped me when I needed it.” Jeff picked up the last piece of bacon on his plate and tossed it on Jensen’s. “Finish your breakfast, we have work to do.”

“We do?” The very last things Jensen wanted to do was work.

Jeff pushed his chair away from the table and stood. “Whoever stays on my couch, helps me clean the backyard.”

Groaning, Jensen massaged the tense muscles in the back of his neck. “Fair enough.”

-=-=-=-

“I don’t want to Monday,” Jensen muttered when he bumped into Alona at the front door of the Station.

“Rough weekend,” Alona said.

“People don’t ask me questions anymore,” Jensen murmured more to himself than his friend.

“What?” Alona frowned and stole Jensen’s coffee to take a sip of it.

“Nothing.” Jensen peered in through the front doors to see if he could spot Jared.

“He was pretty upset after the BBQ,” Alona said as she peered into the window past Jensen’s arm. “Are we looking for him?”

“ _We_ are,” Jensen answered as he nudged her playfully with his elbow.

“He’s at his desk. I already got a text from him.”

“Yeah?” Jensen reclaimed his coffee and took a swig of it.

“You should make up so he stops working so hard; it’s only been one full day and he’s already driving me crazy.” Alona sighed and leaned back against the wall.

“Yeah.” Jensen had spent Sunday afternoon helping Jeff clean up his backyard and most of Sunday evening trying to sleep while thinking about Jared instead. “He alright?”

Alona smiled when she looked up at Jensen. “Are you?”

Shaking his head, Jensen looked down at his coffee. “I fucked up.”

“You did.”

“I gotta fix it.” That was all he’d really been able to focus on. he just wasn’t sure where the hell to start.

“You do,” Alona said.

“Got any suggestions?” Jensen had gone very quickly from not wanting people’s advice to _needing_ it.

Alona pushed off the wall and walked close enough to Jensen to pat her hand against his chest a couple of times. “I’m sure you know what you gotta do.”

If only Jensen actually _did_ know what he was supposed to do. In spite of the fact that he had no idea what to do, Jensen nodded. “Don’t be late. Jared will be bitchy.”

Laughing, Alona shoved her way past Jensen and yanked the door open. “Good luck.”

“Thanks,” Jensen muttered as he watched the door close behind Alona.

-=-=-=-

Jensen sneaked through the bullpen and straight into Sam’s team room. Oh, he was sure to get a glance of Jared, but he wasn’t ready for any kind of confrontation. Actually, he wasn’t ready for what Jared might say to him.

He lost himself in paperwork for a few hours until the need for coffee outweighed his desire to hide.

Finally, by about noon, Jensen wandered out into the bullpen. There was no sign of Jared or Alona so Jensen headed into the staff room. Unfortunately, that’s exactly where he ran into Jared.

Jared looked exhausted. He was pale, his eyes were blood-shot and he was pounding back a coffee like his life depended on it.

“Hey,” Jensen said. When Jared said nothing, he headed over to the counter and picked up a mug to pour himself a coffee. When he turned back around, Jared was still standing there.

Alona walked into the kitchen and grabbed a mug. “Jesus, that woman is going to drive me crazy. I mean…” Alona fell silent when she looked up. “Oh. Awkward.”

Jared laughed dryly and Jensen rubbed his eyes.

Alona set the mug back down on the counter and retreated from the kitchen.

Jensen put his coffee down because his hands were shaking so badly he was worried he might actually drop it. “Listen, Jared, I-”

“-No,” Jared said softly. His voice was a little hoarse, like the mornings after the nights they had stayed up too late talking.

“What?” Heart thundering in his ears, Jensen looked up slowly to find Jared’s red-rimmed eyes staring at him.

“I can’t do this,” Jared said without the slightest change in his expression.

There was a huge lump in Jensen’s throat and he swallowed to try and get rid of it. “You. You can’t do this here?”

When Jared breathed in, he blinked a few times. A fleeting look of sadness raced across his face. It was gone as quickly as it appeared. “I just can’t do this.”

Before Jensen could even come up with something else to say, Jared was gone.

‘Fucking Mondays.”

-=-=-=-

Tuesday, Jensen didn’t go to work. He climbed into his car at nine in the damned morning with the intention of going. He was still only about three-quarters of the way through the files he was working on. But, when he pulled his wallet out to pay for a coffee, he found the card Jeff had given him.

When he climbed back into his car, he held a paper cup in one hand and the card in the other. He tapped it on the steering wheel as he sipped.

_David Haydn-Jones -- Therapist_

“I don’t know,” Jensen whispered as he stared straight ahead out the windshield.

He closed his eyes for a little while and thought back to the last time he and Jared were at the cabin. It had been good. He’d been so _fucking_ busy and so god-damned relieved when he’d seen Jared there at the cabin waiting for him.

There hadn’t been enough time like that for them. They’d been on a roller coaster ever since they’d met and they needed to get off it.

Jensen put his coffee in the cupholder and pulled his phone out of his pocket. 

Maybe there _was_ a starting point.

-=-=-=-

Doctor _call-me-David_ Haydn-Jones was a little pretentious sounding. The English accent set Jensen back a bit. He looked a little too young to be a doctor of anything.

Oddly enough, Jensen realized quickly that David wasn’t a bad guy. He really should have known that, considering that Jeff was usually a good judge of character.

Of course, after he and David had chatted for a while, there were some difficult questions. Jensen had a feeling there would be a lot of those for a very long time.

It turned out there would be a lot of them in the first week.

After his first two appointments, Jensen felt a little like he was lost at sea. David had explained to him that it was a lot of work. He asked if Jensen was committed to getting better. As soon as Jensen thought about Jared - how much he missed his laugh, the way he kept thinking about things he wanted to tell him - the answer was easy. _Yes._ He was in it for the long haul.

He kept his head down at work. There was enough going on in his mind, he didn’t need to get into anything else.

It was Thursday, Jensen thought when he bumped into Jared again in the staff room. He smiled, feeling as awkward as a high school kid on his first date.

Rather than waiting to see if Jared returned the smile, Jensen turned away and poured himself a coffee. He didn’t hear Jared leave so he turned slowly with the smile still on his face. “Hey, Jared.”

Jared cleared his throat. He was looking at the bulletin board on the wall. “Hi.”

Clenching his free hand tightly so it would stop shaking, Jensen swallowed around the ever-present lump in his throat. “How are you, J?”

When Jared took his next breath in, it was a little shaky. “I’m okay.”

Nodding, Jensen chewed on his bottom lip for a few moments. “You want to go for coffee-”

“-I can’t,” Jared said quickly.

Jensen pressed his lips together and nodded again. “Maybe some other time?” 

There was an ache in Jensen’s chest as he looked down at his coffee. He couldn’t look at Jared. He and Tal must have been out in the field because Jared was in jeans and a t-shirt and looked too damned good.

“I better get back to work,” Jared said quietly. He looked at Jensen briefly, then headed out of the room.

Jensen stood there a long time, staring at the door, feeling the weight of loss pressing in on his heart.

-=-=-=-=

It was Saturday when Jensen reached his limit. He’d let Jared have his space. He’d been turned down every time he’d tried to get Jared to speak with him. He was going insane.

He didn’t call, he didn’t text; he just headed to Jared’s place. The other thing he didn’t do was let himself in with his key. He knocked on the door and waited there, nervously, to see if Jared would answer. He knew Jared was at home, he had checked with Alona but he knew there was a high probability that he wouldn't answer the door.

When the lock clicked open, Jensen’s mouth went dry.

The door swung open and revealed Jared, standing there in his jeans and Jensen’s old Henley t-shirt. For some reason, the fact that Jared was wearing that shirt made Jensen’s chest ache again. He rubbed it unconsciously. “Hi, Jared.”

Jared took a deep breath but he didn’t say anything. It looked as though he might close the door but then he sighed, pushed the door open and went back inside.

It wasn’t exactly a warm invitation but it was better than a door closed in his face.

After a couple of deep breaths, Jensen headed inside and closed the door behind him. He pressed his hand to the door and closed his eyes for a few moments. He had _absolutely_ no idea what he was going to say. None at all.

But, he’d talked to David about what was going on with Jared. A conversation with Jared was the only way things were going to change for Jensen. That may or may not include Jared, but Jensen knew what he was hoping for.

He pushed off the door and headed down the hall into the living room.

Jared’s back was to the room. He was starting out the window into the rainy night. The muscles in his upper back looked tight under the old, thin, material of the t-shirt.

“I wondered where that shirt went,” Jensen said softly.

“I’ve had it for a while.” Still looking out the window, Jared shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans.

“It’s okay.” Jensen wiped his damp palms on his jacket then slipped it off and hung it on the back of one of the dining room chairs. “I like that you have it.”

“What do you want, Jensen?”

Jensen could see Jared’s reflection in the window and it made it look like he was a hundred miles away. “I thought. I wanted us to…” Jensen sighed in frustration.

He couldn’t take much more staring at Jared’s back. He rubbed a hand over his damp hair. “I was hoping that you’d hear me out. There are some things I need to say to you and then, I can leave you in peace.”

Jared turned around slowly, stared at Jensen for a few heartbeats, then nodded. “Want to sit?”

A little relieved, Jensen nodded and sat down at one end of the couch. It didn’t surprise him when Jared sat at the opposite end of the couch.

“Jared, I’m sorry. You. You were right,” Jensen said quietly.

Jared said nothing, but he looked up and nodded once.

“I was fucked up. I _knew_ it. I’m still fucked up. I guess I think… I mean I thought I told you before we got involved that I had a lot of issues and I just kept using that as an excuse. That way I didn’t have to work on anything.”

Not even sure he was actually making sense, Jensen rubbed at his temples. “I’ve been seeing a therapist. Jeff gave me his name. He’s good. I think. I mean, I don’t have much to compare it to.”

The silence from Jared was making Jensen’s headache but he had come there with the intention to say what he felt he needed to say to Jared.

“I guess,” Jensen continued. “I wanted you to know that this is all on me. I get it. Not when I should have because I should have trusted you enough to know… to listen to you. I should have known that you loved me and that’s why you were trying to get me to change.” 

The silence in the room was getting to be too much and Jensen tapped the toe of his boot against the leg of the coffee table. Finally, he rested his hands on his thighs and pushed up off the couch. “That’s what I had to… what I needed to say. Thank you.”

 

“For what?”

Jensen was so surprised that Jared had finally spoken that he stepped back slightly and bumped into the couch. He stood there, nervous as hell and regretting everything he’d done that had brought them to the point they were at. “For hearing me out. You didn’t have to do that.”

“I’m glad you’re seeing someone. You think it’s helping?”

Jensen looked down and smiled a little. “I think it will. David says it’s a slow process. I’m going to have a lot of things to work on. This isn’t easy, I’m not gonna lie. It’s been hard. I hate talking about what happened to Gil. And you know? More than that? I hate having someone make me admit that the idea of losing you drove me so crazy that I practically made it happen.”

Nodding once, Jared looked down. “You had to _want_ to work on it, I guess,” he said softly.

Jared was right, Jensen knew that. He just _really_ wished he had figured it out sooner.

Still nervous, Jensen slid his hands into the pockets of his jeans then pulled them back out again and folded his arms. “Is there anything you need to say to me. I mean, I’ll listen. Anything you need.”

When Jared finally looked up again, he looked exhausted. “I really miss you.”

“Me too.” _Fuck it._ Jensen sat down again and slid closer to Jared. “Have I fucked everything up? ‘Cause I would totally understand if you said, yes.”

Jared just stared for a while then shook his head.

Relief washed over Jensen, warm and sweet and he closed his eyes for a few moments before allowing himself a slight smile.

They were only inches apart but it felt like a chasm Jensen reached out tentatively and slid his fingers over the back of Jared’s hand. For the first time since he’d arrived, he allowed himself to feel a little bit of hope that he hadn’t completely ruined everything. “I _really_ fucking missed you, Jared.”

“I guess that’s a good sign then, right?” The smile on Jared's face was sweet, almost shy. It reminded Jensen of their very first weekend at the cabin.

“You wanna get away for a few days? We could go to the cabin… talk.” The ache in Jensen’s chest was finally starting to subside. For a painful handful of heartbeats, Jensen wasn’t sure what Jared was going to say.

“Yeah.” Jared nodded. “I think I would like that.”

More than a little relieved, Jensen didn’t wait a moment longer. He slid closer and pulled Jared into his arms. There wasn’t much that had ever felt better than the firm heat of Jared’s chest pressed up against Jensen’s. He slid a hand up into Jared’s hair and held him close. “I’m so sorry, J.”

Jared said nothing but he tightened his arms around Jensen’s waist and pressed his nose against the spot where Jensen’s neck met his shoulder.

A low ringing startled Jensen and he withdrew slightly and glanced down at Jared’s phone more out of habit than anything else. “Josh?”

A look of absolute confusion appeared on Jared's face. “Josh is my brother.”

The only brother that Jensen knew of was a brother who had stopped speaking to Jared when he’d come out. “You better get it.”

It looked as though Jared was frozen so Jensen picked up the phone and held it out to him.

The phone rang again, just laying there in Jensen’s hand. “Jared?”

The sound of his name seemed to get Jared moving again. He grabbed the phone, tapped the screen and held it up to his ear. “Hello?”

Jensen sat back slightly, a little uncertain how things would play out. He wasn’t sure whether he should give Jared his privacy or stay to support him. The night wasn’t going _quite_ how he’d planned it.

It was Jared’s silence that made Jensen look up. His partner had gone completely pale and he looked as though he was holding his breath.

Suddenly, more worried than anything else, Jensen reached out and grabbed Jared’s hand.

“Okay,” Jared said softly into the phone. His eyes closed and he held Jensen’s hand a little _too_ tightly. “I said, _okay_ , Josh.”

Jared flinched away from the phone then lowered it slowly until he just dropped it on the couch behind him.

“J? You’re scaring me. you okay?” They’d been through a lot since they got together and Jensen had never seen Jared look so dazed.

“My, uh. My father died,” Jared said flatly.

“God,” Jensen murmured. About a hundred thoughts raced through his mind all at once. He knew that most of Jared’s family had disowned him once they found out he was gay. He couldn’t imagine what Jared would be feeling. “Jared, I’m _so_ sorry.”

A tear rolled down Jared’s cheek and he looked down at their clasped hands. “He says there’s no point in me going home… he said-” A cough caught him off guard. “He said my Dad wouldn't want me there.”

The words stung like a slap and Jensen sat back slightly. But, it wasn’t about the way Jensen felt. He swallowed and took a deep breath. “What do you need to do?”

Looking a little lost, Jared shrugged his shoulders. All six foot whatever of him looked like he was lost and Jensen felt an overwhelming urge to just hang on to him. “Jared? Do you need to go? It’s okay if you do. It’s not up to Josh.”

“It’s just the way Josh is. He’s… angry a lot. He’s never really understood the way he thinks I _chose_ to live my life. I don’t know.” Collapsing back against the couch, Jared looked defeated.

“You know, if you’re worried about how it will go. I could go with you, be there just as support. I mean, it’s okay if you want to say I’m just a friend. Whatever you need.” Jensen meant it. He very genuinely meant that he would do _anything_ to make Jared feel better. He hated the way he looked as though it was a battle he had already lost.

“I don’t know what to do.” Tears were still welling in Jared’s eyes and he groaned and rubbed at his face.

“If you’re worried… I won’t punch anyone,” Jensen offered quietly. Much as he might want to, he’d learned his lesson about punching people in front of Jared.

There was no smile on Jared’s face, but he finally looked into Jensen’s eyes. “He was my Dad.”

Jensen leaned in closer and grasped both of Jared’s hands. “If you need to go, we go.”

Nodding, Jared took a deep breath. “I want to go,” he said softly.

“I’ll get hold of Jeff and tell him what’s happened.” The moment he stood, he felt Jared hand on and tug him back down.

“One thing.” Jared sniffed and wiped his cheek on the shoulder of his t-shirt. “I’m not hiding anything. If you’re coming then it’s as my partner.”

An unusual feeling of peace settled over Jensen. He nodded and smiled. “Whatever you need.”

For the rest of the evening, Jared seemed to be in a daze. It was understandable. Losing a parent was tough enough and Jared had lost one he hadn’t been on good terms with. Unresolved issues always seemed to add to the weight of grief.

The only time Jensen left Jared’s side was when he went home to pack. Jeff, of course, told them to do what they needed to do. The earliest flight Jensen could get was the next morning.

The service for Jared’s father was in two days. Jeff hadn’t told Jared on the phone, sadly, he had checked his sister’s facebook to find out.

Jensen knew that Jared didn’t speak to most of his family, but his father’s death put it all in perspective. Jensen couldn’t imagine his brother telling him that he wasn’t welcome at a family member’s funeral. In a strange way, it seemed like a violation. It was one of those things that Jensen would never even think of doing to someone, let alone a family member.

They spent the night at Jared’s. He was quiet, thoughtful, so Jensen didn’t push. He stayed near his partner but remained quiet. There would be plenty of time for them to talk. Jensen wasn't going anywhere.

By the time they went to bed, Jared was exhausted. Jensen pressed up against his back and held on tightly. It seemed to be the only comfort he could offer Jared. He didn’t fall asleep himself until he heard the soft snoring coming from the man in his arms.

-=-=-=-

It was a typical, sunny fall afternoon when they arrived in San Antonio. They picked up a rental car and headed straight to the Hotel. Jensen had booked them a suite in the Westin Riverwalk. He had thought Jared might enjoy the patio that overlooked the river. In Jensen’s life, water had always brought him back to himself when he’d begun to drift away.

Jensen hung up their suits and when he emerged from the bedroom, Jared was already on the patio.

It felt a little like an intrusion, but Jensen headed out to join his partner. He didn't want him to be left alone with his thoughts for too long.

He leaned on the railing and watched the water as it ran by lazily. On a hot summer Texas day, it would be exactly the right kind of river for a long ride on an inner tube.

Jared ran a hand through his hair as he continued to watch the river. “Do you ever wonder if there’s a single moment in time you could go back to, a single point, a decision, a word, that would change everything?”

“I used to,” Jensen answered. He turned so he could lean an elbow on the railing and see Jared’s face. “What moment would you go back to?”

There was a sad smile on Jared’s face. “I don’t know. When I was in High School, I used to wonder if I did something that _made_ me gay. Then later, I would think that I shouldn’t have come out to my family.”

“You wouldn’t be the same person. What’s that thing about if you travel in time and kill a moth then the entire world is different.”

“I wouldn’t know any different though. I could be the guy who has to go to Thanksgiving dinner with a dozen nieces and nephews. The best man at his brother’s wedding. Things like that.”

Jensen shrugged a shoulder. Might-have-beens were never that helpful. “You might not have gotten along with your brother anyway.”

“I guess. It just seems so insane to cut someone out of your life because of their sexual preference. It was like knowing, made me a completely different person for Jeff.”

“He just doesn’t get it. He doesn’t understand what it’s like, so he’s afraid.” Jensen reached out and squeezed Jared’s wrist.

“What about you?”

Jensen cocked his head to the side questioningly.

“What moment would you have gone back to?”

For a few seconds, Jensen just pursed his lips. There had been a few times when he’d felt the uncontrollable desire to change things; reverse a decision or just re-play a good moment. He heard the therapist’s voice somewhere in his mind. _You need to talk to him. Let him know you._

He wetted his lips and turned his head to look out along the river. “I used to want to go back to the day Gil died. Maybe I could have kept him from going to the rally. If I had been more forceful, I could have insisted he’d wait for me to pick him up. But, I can’t live life like that now.”

“What’s different?”

“You, Jared.” Jensen glanced back at his partner and smiled.

“What?” There was a mixture of confusion and concern on Jared’s face.

“Life’s not a circle, it’s a straight line. I loved Gil, because of who he was. If I had made him give up what he did to protect him, he would have resented me. And, if I hadn’t lost him, I wouldn’t be the person I am now.” Jensen laughed softly. “Well, the person I’m trying to be.”

“That’s nothing to do with me,” Jared said quietly.

“I love you,” Jensen said easily as he turned his gaze back to Jared’s. “I don’t want to be without you. I don’t need to go backward to be happy. I will always love Gil.” Jensen pressed his hand to his chest right over his heart. “I built him a place in here where he can just be who he was, the man I remember.”

Tears were welling in Jared’s eyes again and he dropped his gaze without saying anything.

“You made me want to go forward again,” Jensen said.

When Jared looked into Jensen’s eyes they both smiled. Jensen reached up and smoothed Jared’s hair back. “You’re stuck with me. And I _promise_ you, I will never stop trying to get better.”

Nodding, Jared closed his eyes and released a shaky breath. “Foward.”

“You bet.” Stepping in closer, Jensen slid his hand to the small of Jared’s back. “How are you doing?”

“Tired of thinking about my family. Wondering.”

“Wondering?”

“If my Dad wanted to see me at all.”

“Sometimes, people just get so angry they don't know how to find their way back. I imagine he did. I can’t believe he didn’t miss you, even if he didn’t think he understood you.”

“One week of therapy and look how smart you are,” Jared said softly.

“Imagine what I’ll be like six months from now,” Jensen teased. It was a bit of a relief to have Jared poke fun at him.

Then the expression on Jared’s face changed, and he held Jensen’s gaze intently. “Is talking to this guy… David helping that much?”

“It helps enough but I’m not lying. It’s you. Since the BBQ. _Fuck_ Jared. I missed you. The way you always get that little _M_ in the middle of your forehead when you think I’m being an idiot. Rolling over in the morning and seeing the mole on your shoulder that no one gets to see but me. Bumping into you into the bathroom in the morning and watching you stand there while you shave.”

A small smile had grown on Jared’s lips while Jensen was speaking and he suddenly leaned down and kissed Jensen. His lips were warm and insistent and all the sounds of the city around them faded away.

-=-=-=-

Jared was on his knees at the foot of the bed and Jensen was looking down at him through a haze of want. He ran the pad of his middle finger along Jared’s bare collarbone and watched as his partner sank his teeth into his bottom lip.

When Jared moved further forward, he slid his arms around Jensen’s waist and found a nipple with his lips.

Gasping, Jensen combed his fingers through Jared’s hair then curled some long strands around one of his fingers. Each brush of Jared’s skin against his made Jensen shiver slightly.

It was gentle and slow. There was no urgency, their hands moved slowly, as though they were memorizing all the curves and lines of each other’s bodies.

The scent of Jared’s hair made Jensen smile when he nuzzled the top of his partner’s head. It was a ridiculous, flowery smell and Jensen loved it like he loved breathing.

He hooked his legs around Jared and drew him in closer. His cock ached where it was trapped between their bodies.

When Jared’s lips moved across Jensen’s chest, Jensen had trouble breathing. It didn’t matter how many times Jared touched him, kissed him, it made Jensen a little too close to insane.

“No more staying away from me,” Jensen said as he tilted Jared’s chin up so he could kiss his lips again. “Please.”

The way the word came out, it sounded a little too desperate but Jensen was more than willing to own it. He didn’t want any more time away from the man that he loved.

The kiss deepened, Jared’s tongue slipped past Jensen’s lips. Greedy and wanton, Jared dug his nails into Jensen’s back possessively.

It was _right_ where Jensen wanted to be. The heat of Jared’s body against his, Jared’s mouth, hot and insistent. All the nerves in Jensen’s body sparked to life, his heart was racing and he managed to get his hands on Jared’s hair once more.

He tried to pull Jared up onto the huge bed with him but was met by a shake of the man’s head.

Jensen groaned as Jared broke from the kiss. Then his breath hitched as Jared mouthed his way down over Jensen’s ribs and across his abs.

The hair slipped out of Jensen’s fingers and he leaned back, supporting himself with hands that were dug into the quilt.

The moment Jared’s lips circled the head of his cock, Jensen couldn't help the way his back arched. Desire sparked through his veins and he clamped his teeth down on his bottom lip. The pain of his bite helped to divert his mind from the way his balls ached for release.

Wasting no time, Jared slid the ring of his lips down the length of Jensen’s hardness.

Body jolting again, Jensen tried desperately to hold still. He wanted to slide as deep as he could into the wet heat.

The moan that rumbled low in Jared’s chest made Jensen swear softly. His hips rocked forward slightly and Jared just took the length without a murmur.

Long fingers slid under Jensen’s ass and urged him forwards.

He couldn’t help staring. Jared’s pink, spit-slick lips were tight around Jensen’s throbbing flesh. The slide of Jared’s tongue and the gentle drag of his teeth sent shivers tripping down Jensen’s body.

He lifted a trembling hand to Jared’s cheek. He could feel the way it hollowed when Jared sucked. He could feel the way the head of his cock pushed Jared’s cheek out. It was too much.

Fist tightening in Jared’s hair, Jensen thrust forward. His toes curled into the lush carpet as his nails scraped along Jared’s scalp.

There was a dull ache in his balls that was making Jensen’s head spin. He let his head fall back as he took most of his weight on one hand so he could thrust forward again and again.

Jared swallowed around Jensen’s cock, worked the head with his tongue and tightened his lips.

The pressure of Jared’s tongue knocked the world out from under Jensen. He came with a soft whimper, his lungs ached and pleasure was a whip crack through his body. He felt the pulse of his come as it pooled in Jared’s mouth in the moments before he swallowed greedily.

When Jared’s lips slid off his shaft, Jensen collapsed back onto the bed panting.

He sensed more than felt Jared climb up onto the bed. And then he was being rolled onto his side and Jared’s hands were working their way all over his body.

“I want you,” Jared whispered into Jensen’s ear.

The way Jensen’s entire body trembled was a definite _yes_.

-=-=-=-

They stayed in the car outside the Church and watched as people filed in.

Jensen could tell when Jared’s family arrived purely by the way his partner’s body tensed up as they walked past the car.

All six foot of Jared sunk down into the seat as though he was trying to disappear. All Jensen could do was reach over and grasp his hand.

When it was almost time for the service to begin, Jared sighed and opened his door.

Even though it was a short walk to the main doors, Jensen could see that Jared’s forehead was damp when he paused just outside the doors.

A soft smile on his face, Jensen straightened the dark red tie he had tied for Jared earlier, then smoothed both hands down the front of Jared’s jacket. The muted blue of his suit looked good on him. “Ready?”

Looking nervous and ready to bolt, Jared nodded once.

Jensen held out his hand and Jared wove their fingers together and pulled the door open.

In comparison to the warm air outside, the air in the Church felt chilled and still.

A few people turned to peer at them as the door creaked closed and Jared’s fingers dug into Jensen’s palm.

They slipped into a back pew just as the service started.

It was a little too religious for Jensen’s liking. The Minister seemed pleasant enough. He spoke fondly of Jared’s father, told stories of the family and long, summer Texas days spent in their backyard.

He talked about a battle with cancer, the strength of the family and Jensen could feel a tremble in Jared’s hand.

They should have told Jared when they found out that his father was ill. But, there had been nothing. Even Jared’s sister, whom he called occasionally, hadn’t contacted Jared to let him know.

There wasn’t enough room in Jensen’s body for anger because he was too busy being worried about Jared.

Jared’s skin was pale, the tendons in his neck were tight and he looked exhausted.

Jensen had no idea what was going through his partner’s mind. He’d agreed to play everything by ear - of course - it was all up to Jared. He had no idea whether they would go to the house after the service. He got the impression that Jared was just trying to get through one moment at a time.

When the service was finished, the Minister announced that everyone was welcome back at the Padalecki household.

Jared dropped his gaze, his brow furrowed and he pinched the bridge of his nose. He hadn’t let go of Jensen’s hand once.

-=-=-=-

They had slipped out of the Church quickly and were back in the car again when Jared finally spoke.

“My nephew wasn’t there.”

“What?” Oh, Jensen had heard the words, he just wasn’t sure what Jared meant.

“I’ve seen photos of him but I’ve never met Meg’s son. I thought he might be there.”

As the cars began to pull away from the Church, Jensen watched. So many people coming to pay their respects and the man’s own son was sitting in the car feeling lost and unwelcome.

Finally, the street was all but deserted and Jensen smiled at Jared. “Do you want to go to the house?”

Jared rubbed his cheek and stared out the windshield. “I do but Jeff’s gonna be really pissed off.”

Choosing his words carefully, Jensen kept his voice low. “I know it’s easy for me to say but I don’t think you should worry about him. If you need to go there, we go there and we work with the hand we’re dealt.”

“Thank you,” Jared said so quietly Jensen almost missed it.

“For what?”

“Being here.”

Jensen just nodded. There wasn’t another place on the planet he would rather be than at Jared’s side.

“Let’s go,” Jared said quietly. “I’ll give you directions.”

-=-=-=-

When Mrs. Padalecki saw her son, it was crystal clear that she had missed him. Big, fat tears trailed down her cheeks as she stumbled towards Jared. He wrapped her up in his arms and tears welled in his eyes.

Jensen stepped back and cleared his throat. He was a little surprised at the emotion that welled up in his chest. But, Jared deserved that moment with his mother; he had needed it.

When they finally broke from their embrace, Jared motioned for Jensen to join them.

“Mama, this is my partner, Jensen. Jensen, this is my Mama, Sharon.”

Dabbing at her cheeks with an already-damp handkerchief, Sharon nodded at Jensen. “You work with my son?”

Jensen smiled noncommittally, unsure how Jared wanted to handle the question.

“No, mama,” Jared said quietly. “Jensen’s my… life-partner. He’s a Detective with a different division.”

“Oh,” Sharon said softly. “ _Oh_ , you’re _with_ Jared.”

“I am, Ma’am. You raised a great man,” Jensen said. He could see how pleased Jared was to see his mother in spite of the nervous tension.

“Well, I wish we… I could take credit for that,” Sharon said quietly. Tears began to well in her eyes again and Jared rubbed her arm.

“Mama, I’m so sorry. We came as soon as we could,” Jared said.

“Jeff said you wouldn’t be able to make it.” Sharon smoothed a hand over her black skirt. “It’s been so long since we’ve seen you.”

Jensen felt Jared’s fingers slip into his hand and he held on tightly. Another statement he wasn’t going to address. _Jeff_ was an asshole.

“Well, I’m here now, Mama. How are you holding up?”

“I don’t know. I keep thinking I will open my eyes and wake up from a nightmare. I still can’t believe he’s gone.”

“I know,” Jared answered. “When Jeff told me, I couldn't even imagine it being true. I know he and I didn’t see eye to eye but I loved him, mama. You know that, right?”

Jensen squeezed Jared’s hand.

“I do, Jared. Honey, he -”

“What the _hell_ are you doing here?”

Jensen looked over to see a man, slightly taller than Jared, the resemblance was there, _Jeff_.

Jared squared his shoulders. “Jeff, I just wanted to see Mom and Meg. I won’t be here long,” Jared said flatly.

It really got under Jensen’s skin the way Jeff slid in between Jared and his mother. He tightened his grip on Jared’s hand and widened his stance slightly. It was Jared’s family, and he would let Jared deal with things unless it got out of hand.

“Leave,” Jeff said in a low voice.

“Jeff, not now,” Sharon said quietly. Tears were sliding down her cheeks again.

Jared looked straight into his brother’s eyes. “Jeff, please don’t do this now. I just want to spend some time with Mom-”

“You have no business bringing a stranger here, let alone behaving like _this_.” He gestured to Jared and Jensen’s clasped hands. “That’s disrespectful. Dad wanted nothing to do with you.”

A short woman with long, blonde hair emerged from the crowd. “Jared! I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Hey sis,” Jared said softly. He reached out for Meg’s hand and Jeff smacked his arm away.

“He was just leaving,” Jeff spat.

“Jesus, Jeff. Even today? Of all days?” Meg glared at her older brother, her red-rimmed eyes narrowing.

“Dad wouldn't want his kind here and you know it, Meg,” Jeff said darkly.

“Please…” Sharon said weakly.

“Jeff, you’re an asshole,” Meg said loudly enough to attract the attention of a few people standing near them.

Jensen could feel Jared step backward and he’d had enough. Mindful of his promise, he stepped in closer to Jared and held his free hand out so he could clasp Sharon’s.

“Ma’am, I’m very sorry for your loss. You should be very proud of Jared. He loves his family a great deal regardless of the fact that y’all may have different beliefs. I love this man because he’s caring and brave and amazing. Anyone should be proud to call him their son.”

Sharon smiled weakly and squeezed Jensen’s hand. “Thank you, Jensen. I’m glad -”

“This is a disgrace,” Jeff said. He took a step towards Jared.

“No, Jeff,” Jensen said. “You are a disgrace. This family has lost a father, a husband, and a grandfather. It’s time to mend bridges, not burn them.”

“I can see why you're with him, Jaybird,” Meg said fondly. She squirmed her way past Jeff and wrapped her arms around Jared’s waist. Jared finally let go of Jensen’s hand and enveloped his sister in a very tight hug.

Jensen turned back to Sharon. “I’m glad for the chance to meet you, Ma’am. I sure as hell wish the circumstances were different.”

“Me too,” Sharon said.

The wind seemed to have left Jeff’s sails and he stepped back slightly even though he continued to glower at Jared.

Once Jared had let go of Meg, he stepped back to Jensen’s side. Jensen slipped his arm around Jared’s waist and flashed a smile at Jeff then turned to Meg. “I’ve heard a lot about you Meg.”

Her smile widened and she reached out to grab Jared’s hand. “I know a little boy who would love it if his two Uncles came to visit tomorrow. You two up for some Texas BBQ?”

Jared glanced at Jensen who nodded quickly. “Dude, I’m always in favor of meat.”

For the first time in a while, Jared’s smile warmed slightly. “That would be great Meg. Text me later and give me the details?”

“You bet.” She popped up onto her toes so she could kiss her brother’s cheek then turned to Jensen. “I can see why he chose you.”

Still smiling, Meg disappeared back into the crowded living room.

Sharon was still hovering near them and Jensen smiled at her.

“I think we’ll be going, mama,” Jared said. “I just wanted to say hello.”

“Jared? Honey? Do you think maybe you and your… Jensen could come down and visit sometime?” Sharon asked. “I’d really like to spend some times with you.

Jared glanced at Jensen again.

“It’s difficult for us to get time off together, Sharon,” Jensen began. “But, I’d sure love for us to spend some time here with Jared’s family.”

“Me too,” Jared said softly. He stepped out of Jensen’s embrace to hug his mother tightly.

Jensen felt the tightness of emotion across his chest again. He hoped that this was a beginning for things getting better for Jared and his family.

As Sharon emerged from her son’s embrace, she grabbed Jensen’s hand. “Thank you for coming, Jensen. Take care of my son. He’s very important to me.”

“Absolutely, ma’am. I intend to do that for as long as he’ll let me,” Jensen answered.


	3. Chapter 3

The visit with Meg and her family went well. Once they weren’t around Jeff, everyone seemed to relax and enjoy themselves. Jensen sat back and watched as Jared played with his nephew, chatted with his new brother-in-law, and enjoyed himself. It was great to see. The visit with Meg was well worth the trouble they had with Jared’s brother at the house.

Once they landed, they picked up their bags and headed to the car. Jared drove. When he pulled onto the road, he headed towards Jensen’s place. They were both tired; the trip had been emotional in spite of the parts that were positive. They were quiet on the drive. Jared’s hand rested on Jensen’s thigh as he stared out the windshield.

When they pulled up at Jensen’s, Jared slid the car into park and leaned back in the driver’s seat. “Work’s gonna be hard tomorrow.”

“Work’s hard every morning,” Jensen said as he shrugged. He was going to be buried in paperwork when he made it to his desk.

Jared chuckled and squeezed Jensen’s thigh before returning his hand to the steering wheel. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Thanks for coming with me, Jensen.”

“Wouldn’t have had it any other way.” Jensen frowned, feeling a little anxious as he reached for the door handle. He pushed the door open and paused there, breathing in the fresh evening air. After a few seconds, he pulled the door closed again.

“Jensen? You okay?” Jared shifted in his seat and leaned forward until he could meet Jensen’s gaze.

“Move in with me,” Jensen said as he stared into his partner’s eyes. His heart began to pound and his mouth went dry. All he knew was that he didn’t want Jared to leave. He _never_ wanted Jared to leave.

“What?” Jared’s eyes whitened.

“Don’t leave. Move in with me tonight. Now.” Jensen reached out and took Jared’s hand in his.

Looking completely stunned, Jared sat back slightly. “Tonight? My-”

“Please.” Every emotion Jensen was feeling was wrapped up in the word. It was right; he knew it. He’d known it for a long time but he just hadn’t realized it.

Jensen’s eyes moved from Jared’s eyes to his lips and back again. He held his breath, wondering if he'd made a final mistake.

Jared nodded and finally turned away to turn off the engine.

There was a huge smile on Jensen’s face as he blew out the breath he’d been holding. “Let’s go in then.”

-=-=-=-

When they were inside, Jensen dropped their bags and headed straight for the bedroom. He walked over to the dresser and pulled out the top drawer, wiggled it free then dumped the clothes on the floor in the corner. When he turned back to the dresser he noticed Jared standing in the bedroom doorway looking amused.

“I’ll figure out where to put them tomorrow.” Jensen shoved the drawer back in and pulled out the second one down and dumped it.

“You’re a little crazy,” Jared said as he walked into the bedroom and sat down on the bed.

“Forwards, Jared. We’re going forwards.” Grinning, Jensen replaced the second drawer then walked over to Jared. He pushed his way in between Jared’s legs and rested his arms over the man’s broad shoulders.

There was a warm smile on Jared’s face as he tilted his head back to look up at Jensen. “You sure about this?”

“I’ve pretty much _never_ been more certain about anything,” Jensen said easily. “The top two drawers just make sense. You’re a couple inches taller than me.” There was a strange fluttering in Jensen’s belly, and he liked the way it felt. He lifted a hand and ran his fingers through Jared’s hair.

“You know what I mean.” Jared sighed happily and set his hands on Jensen’s hips.

“I do. I’m sure,” Jensen answered. He shuffled closer and leaned down to kiss Jared’s forehead. “I’m also sure I want you. Here. Now. In _our_ bed.”

“Can I bring my books?” Jared’s lips curled into a smile.

“You can bring anything and everything. We can stay here, we can get a house. Whatever.” He might be getting a little too caught up in everything but it had been a long time since Jensen had been excited about the future.

“Here is fine,” Jared said as he laughed. “One step at a time.”

“If we had a house we’d have a yard,” Jensen said as he shoved until Jared fell back on the bed. He flopped down beside him and slung his leg over Jared’s thighs.

“Sudden urge to BBQ?” Jared slipped his arm under Jensen’s shoulder and urged him closer.

“Dog, Jared. If we have a yard we can have a dog. A big dog. A _real_ dog. Not one of those purse dogs.” It was weird. Jensen wasn’t even sure he’d ever wanted a dog before, but it suddenly seemed perfect.

Jared lifted his hand to Jensen’s forehead. “Are you ill?”

Shaking his head, Jensen kissed the underside of Jared’s wrist. “No, I think I’m happy.’

When Jared tilted his head, his eyes were a little glassy. “That’s good.”

“It is, now get in bed.” Smiling like an idiot, Jensen slid back off the bed. “I’ll get the bags.”

-=-=-=-

Jared’s warm, sweat-damp skin was pressed up against Jensen’s back as they lay on their sides in the bed. His cock was hard and twitched occasionally against Jensen’s ass.

Jensen had a slight smile on his face as he arched his back and reached behind him to grab Jared’s thigh. “You still want to go to the cabin?”

“Mmmhmm.” Jared’s lips were moving along the top of Jensen’s shoulder as his hand slipped over Jensen’s waist. “Remember the hot spring pool?”

Oh yes. Jensen was _never_ going to forget that. Jared, all sleek, wet, and warm. His hands on Jensen’s flesh as they got to know each other’s bodies for the first time. “It’s still there.”

The laugh from behind Jensen was more of a low rumble and he reached down to squeeze the base of his cock. “Jay? You planning to fuck me some time tonight?”

There was another dark chuckle from behind him and Jensen felt it in his balls.

“You’re always so impatient,” Jared murmured as he mouthed his way up Jensen’s neck.

A shiver took hold of Jensen’s entire body and he moaned quietly. He had a love/hate relationship with Jared’s teasing. He wanted it to stop but he really fucking didn’t.

“Not impatient,” Jensen managed to get out. “I just…” Whatever he’d been about to say vanished when the head of Jared’s cock pushed at Jensen’s entrance. The heat and pleasure that had been building in Jensen’s body began to unravel. His heart was loud and strong in his chest and he shifted slightly to grant Jared more access.

Jared was gentle, slow, still teasing the _hell_ out of Jensen. The tug and stretch as he slid deeper made Jensen struggle for each breath. The dull ache of stretch burned away under the heat and pleasure that flooded Jensen’s veins. He took a deep breath, trying to calm his racing pulse then shifted again, hooked his leg back over Jared’s.

The movement eased Jared’s cock deeper and both men moaned. Jared’s teeth dragged along the top of Jensen’s shoulder, his breath hot in their wake. Slowly, Jared eased his hips forward, sliding deeper until his balls were pressed tight against Jensen’s ass.

They stayed there for a few moments. Jared’s arms were wrapped tightly around Jensen’s chest, his mouth open at the nape of Jensen’s neck, panting. Jensen’s body felt like it was on fire, sweat dripped down his temple and his breath hitched.

Jensen reached back, fingers digging desperately into the globe of Jared’s ass, urging him to move again. He couldn’t stand another moment of being still; he was on edge, all his nerves firing.

When Jared began to move, it was slow at first. He held Jensen tightly, lips pressed to skin, hands sliding over Jensen’s chest and belly. His hips pushed forward, sliding his swollen cock deep into Jensen. 

Everything around them just disappeared; all Jensen could focus on was Jared. He could feel Jared’s hair against his cheek, lips on the nape of his neck, the slow slide of his cock as he pressed his hips forward. It was gentle, loving and Jensen’s chest ached with the sweetness of it all. Jensen’s throat tightened as he realized he could have lost Jared.

“I love you,” Jared whispered in Jensen’s ear.

Jensen shivered and a wave of gooseflesh appeared down his body. He arched his back again, nails digging into Jared’s ass.

It was enough of an invitation. Jared began to piston his hips forward faster, each thrust a little stronger than the one before. He groaned against Jensen’s ear, arms cinched so tight that Jensen could hardly breathe. 

Jensen closed his eyes to try and stave off the imminent release that was threatening. Each time Jared pounded into him, Jensen’s cock rubbed against the quilt and that was enough of a sensation to drive him completely mad. His own hips rocked back and forth as he tried to meet each of his partner’s thrusts.

Hot, moist breath ghosted down Jensen’s neck and he managed to find Jared’s hand on his chest. Their fingers wove together and Jensen moaned as Jared’s cock hit his prostate and sent sparks of white flying across his field of vision. His entire body shuddered and he gasped for air. Without the slightest warning, he was coming. 

Jared finally loosened his hold on Jensen so he could slide a hand down. His fingers slid through Jensen’s release as he continued to jolt his hips forward again and again. All of Jensen’s senses were wrapped up in pleasure and he just held on to Jared’s hand as his partner worked towards his peak.

The pulse of Jared’s cock as he came made Jensen tremble. His body twitched as another wave of pleasure ripped through him.

They lay there for a long time, breathing slowing, hearts returning to a more normal rhythm. Eventually, Jared eased himself free and shifted back so he could roll Jensen towards him. They stared into each other’s eyes and Jensen chuckled as Jared smiled almost shyly. 

“What?” Jared asked in a rough voice.

“Nothin’. Just… you.” Jensen couldn’t put into words how _right_ everything felt. After all the crap he’d been through, all the ridiculous fears he’d had about their relationship… he was left feeling… content.

“I’m too tired to try and figure out what you’re talking about,” Jared muttered. His lashes fell to his cheeks and his smile lingered.

After a deep breath, Jensen dragged a pillow under his head and closed his eyes.

-=-=-=-

Work, as Jensen suspected, was rough. His desk was piled with paperwork that hadn’t been there when he had Jared had left. The bright side was that after a morning of pouring over papers, Sam had stopped by to tell Jensen he would be in the field on their new case. Finally, he was being allowed back in the game. Sam seemed to think his punishment had gone on long enough.

Jensen was pleased to discover he would be working with Amy Gumenick. In spite of the fact that their first shift together had ended in near disaster, Jensen liked her. She was young, enthusiastic and spoke her mind. He was looking forward to working for the first time in a very long time.

Amy took a couple of hours to bring Jensen up to speed on the background of the case. They had coffee, they came up with a plan of attack and met with Sam to get her to sign off. It went well. And Jensen was so caught up in what was going on that he didn’t even realize it was almost five. Jared would be heading home soon.

Jensen excused himself and headed out into the bullpen. He could see Jared at his desk, reading something to Tal who was practically laying on her own desk. Shaking his head fondly, Jensen walked over to them. “Hey, you two. Working hard?”

Tal grinned up at him and shook her head. “Nah, you know us. We just sit around and look pretty all day. How are you?”

“Good. It seems I am no longer grounded. Workin’ a new case with Gumenick.” Jensen smiled as he sat on the corner of Jared’s desk.

“I like her,” Tal said as she slid off her desk and sat down in her chair. “She’s funny.”

“That’s great, Jensen.” Jared smiled up at him, eyes full of warmth.

“It is. Now I can get in trouble again, it’s really my natural state.”

“I believe that,” Tal answered then laughed.

“Anyway, I’m gonna be here for a few hours yet. Thought I would come over and say bye.” There was a strand of hair hanging near Jared’s eye and Jensen’s finger twitched as he tried to resist brushing it back.

“When will you be… go home?” Jared asked. He looked down at the file on his desk and shifted it pointlessly.

“I’ll be _home_ about eight. Don’t watch Netflix without me?” Jensen couldn’t help grinning when Jared’s gaze snapped up to meet his. Okay, so he normally didn’t reveal much about his personal life at work. The thing was, he didn't really give a shit what people thought anymore. He had no idea where the change had come from. Hell, maybe it was just spending a few days thinking he might have lost Jared completely.

“Okay,” Jared said quietly.

Alona grinned and leaned forward, elbows on her desk, chin propped on her hands.

Jensen couldn’t help rolling his eyes at her.

Jared chuckled and turned on his chair slightly. “See you later then.”

“Keep some dinner for me,” Jensen said. He hesitated a moment, then leaned down and pressed his lips to Jared’s. “I’ll miss you.”

Jared’s eyes widened slightly and then a pink blush began to spread up over his cheeks.

When Jensen stood, he glanced over at Tal and she was grinning from ear to ear. Jensen just shook his head.

Qualls poked his head out from behind his monitor. “Did he just kiss Padalecki? Tal? What the hell is going on?”

Jensen laughed and headed back out of the bullpen. He was happy to leave Jared to deal with Qualls. He was pretty sure, as he was leaving, he heard Tal tell Qualls to fuck off. That just made him laugh even harder.

-=-=-=-

“Jeff has a lot of BBQs,” Jensen muttered as he pushed the passenger door of the car open.

“It’s his thing,” Jared answered. He shut off the car and climbed out. “Grab the beer?”

“Yes, Sir.” Jensen tugged his t-shirt down and opened the back door so he could grab the case of beer they’d brought.

He caught up to Jared as he reached the gate to the backyard. As the door swung open, Jensen peered into the yard. “Jared? There’s no one here.”

Looking a little confused, Jared shrugged then headed up towards the house. He jogged up the back steps and the door opened in front of him.

Alona grinned as she emerged from the house with a huge bowl of salad. “Hello, boys.”

“Hey, Tal.” Jensen set the beer down on the table and held out his arms “C’mon, gimme some love.”

Laughing, Alona set the bowl down on the table and turned around to step into Jensen’s embrace. “You’re in a good mood.”

“I’m always in a good mood,” Jensen answered.

“Ha!” Alona snorted and smacked Jensen’s arm as she untangled herself from him.

The door creaked open again and a tall, dark-haired, young man appeared.

“Matt.” Alona grabbed the man’s hand and dragged him forward. “Jensen, Jared, this is my friend, Matt.”

Matt shook Jensen’s hand, then turned his attention to Jared. “You’re the infamous partner. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Smiling, Jared shook Matt’s hand. “Hopefully, she hasn’t bitched about me too much.”

“Nah,” Matt said. There was a sparkle in his dark eyes. “She likes you.”

“Don’t tell him that! I’ll never hear the end of it.” Alona nudged Matt with her hip.

“Jeff in the kitchen?” Jensen asked.

“Yeah, make yourself at home out here. He’s cooked up a huge pot of chili,” Alona said with a grin on her face. “It’s just us today, sit.”

Jensen grabbed a beer out of the case and twisted the top off. He smiled when Matt sat down opposite him. He was a handsome guy, had kind of a boy-next-door look about him. He had probably been on the football team in High School.

Jared took a seat beside Jensen and slipped his arm along the back of Jensen’s chair. If Jensen was a betting man, he’d think Jared was feeling a little possessive. “You been friends with Tal a long time?”

Matt nodded. “Quite a few years now.”

“If you remember,” Alona interjected. “I tried to set you up on a blind date with Matt.”

Well, that was awkward. Jensen dropped his gaze and smiled nervously as his cheeks began to burn. “Ah. Well, no offense. ‘m sure you’re a great guy. I wasn’t looking to date anyone.”

“Seems like things worked out alright for you,” Matt said with a warm smile. He winked at Jared.

Fingers settled on the back of Jensen’s neck and he felt a little thrill trip down his spine. Jared _was_ being possessive. That could only bode well for Jensen later on in the evening.

“It’s terrible being stuck with Jensen,” Jared quipped.

Chuckling, Jensen took a sip of his beer then set it down. “No really, Jared. Don’t worry yourself about my self-esteem.”

Pulling a beer out of the case with his free hand, Jared grinned. “Matt, beer? Tal? Hell, why I am asking you, you’ll just take one if you want it.”

“Damn right I will,” Alona said as she fished a beer out for herself.

“I’m not much of a beer drinker,” Matt said.

The door swung open again and Jeff appeared in an apron that said _I like my meat rubbed, jerked and pulled._

Jensen almost spit his beer out as he busted out laughing. He coughed for a few moments and blinked his tears away as he looked up at Jeff. “Nice apron.”

Looking smug, Jeff set down the glass he was holding in front of Matt. “Matt gave it to me… and he doesn’t drink beer he drinks whiskey. He’s a man’s man.”

“Oh give me a break,” Jensen grumbled but he found himself chuckling again.

Both Jared and Jensen watched as Jeff leaned down and kissed Matt on the lips, hand pressed to the man’s chest.

Jensen blinked a few more times then looked at Jared who shrugged. 

“Dude! You told me you were straight,” Jensen blurted out as he banged his beer down on the table.

Straightening up, Jeff smoothed his hand over Matt’s hair then looked across the table at Jensen. “No, I didn’t. I said I didn’t care that you were gay.”

Jensen’s head was spinning. He was running back over all the conversations he’d had with Jeff. He was _certain_ Jeff had told him that he was straight, he couldn’t have come up with that on his own. “That’s just lying by omission!”

“Would it have made a difference if I told you I was?” Jeff said with a quirked eyebrow. 

Jensen glanced over at Jared again. “I feel like I keep having versions of the same conversation.”

“What?” Jeff asked.

Shaking his head, Jensen sat back in his chair. “Nothing. Anyway. Wow. Didn’t see that coming.”

Jared was laughing, Jensen could tell by the way his arm was vibrating.

“You said you didn’t want to date, Matt, Jensen. You had your chance,” Alona teased.

Jeff turned to head inside but glanced back with a grin. “You missed out there, Jensen.”

There was a pink blush on Matt’s cheeks as he watched Jeff disappear. It was… adorable.

“You know,” Jensen said as he slid his hand over Jared’s thigh. “I’m _good_ with the way things worked out.”

Alona giggled and began to tease Matt about something that had happened earlier and Jensen took advantage of the distraction to turn and press a kiss to the corner of Jared’s mouth.

“What’s that for?” Jared tilted his head slightly, cheeks flushed with laughter, eyes relaxed and warm.

“Just bein’ you,” Jensen answered.


End file.
